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Meet My Daughters

After our first born was about 2 years old I decided that I wanted another child so that my oldest would have a playmate.  My husband agreed that another little one would be great.  He came from a family of 6 and he wanted that many.  I said whoa there!!!  So we did agree on 3.  That did not happen and I will tell you why in this story but first let’s get the beginning down.
After we decided that we wanted another baby I went to my gynecologist and got all the checkups and tests done to see if I was healthy enough to go through and carry another child.  I came back with flying colors and so we commenced on making a child.  It seems that just thinking about a child and I got pregnant within the first month of doing all the right moves and planning.  This was going to be great!  I was pregnant!  We celebrated and let our oldest know that she was going to have someone that she could play with.  She was excited too.  So there we have the great start and a healthy beginning. We then told our parents of friends.
So our youngest daughter decided that we would be her parents. We were all happy.  I do believe that we choose our parents and our lessons in each and every life.  Each one is different and lessons to be learned are different too.  The theory of a ONE LIFE is just that….we have that ONE Lifetime to learn and grow with the lessons we chose for the ONE lifetime.  Another lifetime is just another LIFE to learn other lessons but we only have the one life to learn what we chose to learn.  We do not come back as other things or animals. We do reincarnate for each lifetime full of great learning and fun and what we are learning in each of our lives is to become totally compassionate and to love others as ourselves.  There is no way that we can learn that form just one lifetime.  There are so many facets to learn and sides and then we make even more of those facets and it goes on and on.
Another thing that was going great was that my husband was going to be getting a raise and that helped us in the decision to have another child too.
Everything seemed to be coming together at the right time and things were going great……
I was three months pregnant and my husband’s employer drops a bomb on him.  He was told, mind you, that he was getting a raise. His boss told him so.  We would not have had another baby if we thought otherwise.  Instead of getting a raise, he was let go.  What a hard blow that was.  Me pregnant and needing prenatal care and the bottom drops out.  We didn’t know what to think or what to do.  I totally hate people who tell you one thing and you plan for something and then they do the total opposite.
My parents worked at AT&T or it was known as Western Union at that time and so they got my husband a job there.  The greatest part was that the medical insurance probation period was waved so that they would pay for all the expenses with the baby.  Whew!!!  So I believe that this child really wanted to be here too…….but
After three months into this pregnancy, it was a really rough time of it.  I was babysitting for 5 other children in the Low Income Apartments that we were living in.  One was a nurse and I watched her 6 year old child.  You would think that they would be the most understanding when you had to tell them that I would be bedridden throughout the rest of my pregnancy.  She pitched a fit.  There was nothing that I could do.  I barely was able to take care of my 2 year old.  The other mothers were more understanding.  I really hated to do that, but it was doctor’s orders.  That is why they understood.
Have you ever watched the movie (and I didn’t see it until a month ago and never knew that it existed) Delivering Milo?  This describes my pregnancy to a “T.”
Delivering Milo
The child that wanted to be born, well the child was afraid to be here.  My pregnancy all started out on a great footing but then something terrible happened.  I do not understand the why or how’s as I had a great start health-wise.  I could not believe what was happening to me.  No matter what I ate or drank, I would gag and throw it up.  I could not keep anything down.  This lasted throughout my whole pregnancy.  I was put on Benedectine to stop the nausea.  “The FDA has given approval to a prescription medication used to treat morning sickness that was pulled off the market 30 years ago after hundreds of lawsuits claimed it caused birth defects. 

The pill, which was once called Bendectin—used by roughly 33 million nauseated pregnant women before it was yanked off shelves in 1983—will reenter pharmacies this June as Diclegis. The FDA had never deemed the drug to be unsafe, but Merrell Dow, the pharmaceutical company behind the pill, stopped making it once litigation costs outweighed profits.” *Link below

Between 1978 and 1983, over 300 lawsuits were filed against the company claiming damages for babies with deformities born to mothers who took the drug. I had to keep something down.  I ended up eating the boil in bag Chicken Ala King over rice.  That was the only thing that stayed down.  I don’t know why but it was that and only that that seemed to stay down.  During the last month of my pregnancy I could eat just a bit more and my gynecologist told me to drink lots of milkshakes.  I am guessing that was to put calcium in my body and to help the baby too.  To this day I cannot eat Chicken Ala King or drink a milkshake.  Oh they are not bad; I just have this block to them for some reason.
I can remember once going to my gynecologist and them taking blood for tests and all that.  It was not a good visit.  Three nurses came in and tried to take blood and each one of them hit my nerve.  That shot pain up my whole arm.  I did leave the office after that and told them it would have to be another day, but they are not poking me again today. 
My blood was so low that I also remember yet another time at the doctor’s office.  I was sitting on the exam bed and they came in to do their usual check of my blood pressure and all that.  Now I do not know if the nurse was new or what but she could not get a pulse.  I looked at her and told her straight out….I am here and alive and sitting on this bed. They also could not find the baby’s heartbeat either.  That scared me.  So at that point my child did not want to be here.  I had this knowing and it told me that she was afraid of the life that she chose after she decided that she wanted to live at this time and not at another time.  That would be true due to what I was experiencing with her.
It goes on more.  I used to always get Urinary Tract Infections with her too.  I was on so many drugs and vitamins that they really wreaked havoc on my body.  Meanwhile my husband kept telling me that I was making it all up.  His baby brother came over one day and I had the kitchen cleaned all up and sparkling.  Well he left it in such a mess and I did not have the energy to clean it up again.  I was madder that a bee then. 

Three times I went in to “false” labor with this child.  They weren’t fun times either.  This child needed to be born and most times it is a happy time but the last labor and it was the one, I just told them to get it out of me.  This child just needed to get out into the world and live her life the way that she wanted to live it.  Oh I was not mad at the child and this child today would probably say that I was, but I was not.  This indecisiveness had to stop because it was killing m, the mom. The child wasn’t going to have a mom if it continued the way it was going. This is when I said that I would have no more children. 

The child finally made the entrance that it was afraid to make and she arrived on July 6, 1979.  She was full term and weighed only 3.6 pounds.  She did have something going on too and I had to sign for them to do a spinal tap.  I never knew the results or why they had to do that procedure. The angels saved her and that is how she got the name Angela. I had a vertical C-section with her because I had one with her older sister. She was kept in the hospital for over a month and even with my stitches in my belly I went to see her every day. 

Oh she was fighting life so hard and still wanted to leave it while in that hospital.  I wanted to breast feed her but she didn’t want to have anything to do with that.  So I pumped my breast.  She really needed all the antibodies that a mom gives her child with the first milk.  So they tried to give it to her through a bottle.  Well she didn’t want anything to do with that either.  This small baby had tubes poking into her tiny little body all over.  They eventually had to put the life-saving tube into her tiny little feet.  Oh and since she would not eat, the ended up putting a feeding tube down her little tiny throat.

For the first week I could not hold her.  Do you believe that is when the child bonds to the mother?  I do believe that and as such and I wasn’t allowed to touch her or hold her that bond did not truly form. During her whole life we were never close as in talking to each other and her allowing me to love her.  It just wasn’t there. The relationship just seemed to get worse as she grew up.  I tried everything that I could do to make her feel special and wanted and needed and loved, but it continually got pushed aside.

No one wanted to babysit her.  I mean no one.  She was always cranky and she cried almost constantly with changing of her diaper, to her eating when a baby to picking her up and putting her down.  We changed her food and everything to try to find out what was wrong with her.
Well for the last year she has shut everyone out of her life. She holds a grudge with something I did or said that I have no idea of what it is or was.  I did get upset at first and I cannot for the life of me figure it out.  I cannot tell her that I am sorry or anything.  So now I have to let her be.  She is a gorgeous 30 something year old.  I told her that she was and all that but she also said that I was not happy for her.  That is a lie….so if that is what made her go over the deep end with me.  I cannot change that.  I do not know what her problem is but life goes on and she is only hurting herself.  

Some medical information about the drug: 

This is one of the last pictures that I have of her.  It was her birthday.  She is so gorgeous and drop dead pretty.  I am so proud of her for all that she has been through and that she is still around.  I love her so much and that will never stop.  


This was my wedding gown the day I got married on July 10, 1976

 So I was a teen and I had thoughts about my future as any teens would have.  I took a test to get into a Nursing school.  I wanted so much to be one and I had a mentor.  She was my real Aunt but a really good friend of my Grandmother and her sisters.  My sister and I called her Aunt Vivian.  What a wonderful person she was.  She was a Nurse too and that is how I wanted to be.  I got 95 percentile on the test and was ready to go to college.  Well I was stopped in my tracts because the school that I was going to and it was a local school too decided they could not afford to be open anymore.  Uhhgh.  That was a bummer.
I wanted my own career and be a mom and have a house and a husband too.  You know that “American Dream”.  Well so I thought things would pan out just like that.  Now there are people who say that you set your goals and you attain them, we I can assure you that it only happens to some people.  I have also been asked to set a goal for the next 5 years, and I can also assure you that doesn’t always pan out either.  Oh I have asked many of my classmates and some of them said that their life did not turn out the same as they envisioned when they were still in 12th grade ready to be thrust into the world.
It was about the time that I got that news that the school would no longer be there that I got that “knowing” as in being told to me that I would be getting married soon and that it would not be a traditional way.  WT Heck was that all about.  So I ignored that.  Sure enough I got pregnant and guess what that is…a sort of shotgun wedding.  My boyfriend had his own career and life plans.  He wanted to be an Electrical Engineer.  When I got pregnant I had another knowing:  The baby was a girl.

I was working at a local Fast Food place.  I had been fainting just walking across the room from the prep room to the office.  I did not know that I was fainting and did not miss any time or had time lapses.  The Manager took me into his office and told me about all this strange activity that I was having.  He told me that I better get checked out by a Doctor.  So I did.
The news that came back was one of I kind of knew what it was going to be but hoped like all get out that it wasn’t.  This is how it all went prior to this news:
Both of us had jobs, but they were those kinds that you just start out with.  Well I went to see him after work one day and we made love but before we did that I told him that I was going to get pregnant.  He didn’t listen to me.  After we finished I was really looking for a bottle of coke to make it fizz and wash out his seed from within my body.  I could not find one in the time that one was supposed to use it.  So I kind of knew that I was pregnant then.  That was the vision and the “knowing” that I had previously.  Oh My Gee!  I tried so hard for this NOT TO HAPPEN, but it did anyway.  The child that I would be carrying really wanted to be here.  I could do nothing about it.

I watched a very old movie one day and it was about a child that wanted to be born in the worst way.  She and other children picked their parents.  Well the couple that she chose weren’t ready to have children…at least the man wasn’t.  You can watch the movie Trailer:  (insert Video of : )
I find out and I am at work.  I try to compose myself but I couldn’t and left work.   I tell my boyfriend and he really wasn’t all the happy with the news either.  So we decide to tell his parent’s first.  The reaction from them was astonishing to say the least.  Oh it wasn’t that we were going to have a baby and were not married yet.  It was more of the tune of, “are you sure he is the father”.
I was left to tell my parent the news myself.   Someone else gave my mother a heads up.  So I told my mother that we were getting married.  She went off the deep end and said that I was pregnant.  Well I was and so I took that abuse.  The next thing that happened was surreal.  I had many friends that surmised that I was being abused by my mom.  I did not know about any of it and what they knew.  This is going to knock your socks off with what I had to endure during the first months of pregnancy.  I sure hoped this child knew what she was doing. 
My mother had made an appointment and pre-paid for an abortion for me.  She was going to take me the next day.  You heard it right!  She had paid for me to have an abortion.  I did not believe in that.  I also knew this child wanted to be here.  I could not do that.  Let me repeat myself:  I COULD NOT DO THAT.
Now the saving part of all this is that some of my friends whisked me away for a few days to another place and a great family. It felt odd to say the least but I was there for about 3 days or maybe 4.  I do not remember how long it was now.  They were really nice.  Some things are a blur to me now, and I do not remember where I went after that.  I do now that my future mother-in-law was a seamstress and we went out and she purchased the material so that she could make my wedding dress.  That is where I learned the tricks to sewing.  Oh I took sewing in high school, but they only teach you what to do via the patterns.  My ex mother-in-law taught me all kinds of secrets.
Pregnancy did not bode well with my body. I drank lots of Mylanta.  I had to quite work because the smell of the oil in the vats made me nauseated.  I ate like a horse.  I mean I started out being 89 pounds wet.  The Obstetricians had bets about me reaching 100 pounds!  I was 96 pounds when I delivered her. 

She didn’t come normally either.  She was a kicker and she was high up into my abdomen.  Well one day she kicked and she was not upside down like they normally come and it was not even her real due date.  She kicked down into the birth canal.  I had to have a C-Section.  They could not turn her as her foot was stuck in the canal.   I was scared, very scared.  I had never had an operation on my body before.  I was 20 years old!  They told me that my husband would come up with me during the labor part.  Well he never was able to come up to be with me.  That made me mad!!!  Then what happened next will surprise you as it did me.  I wanted to punch my husband…..seriously.
He came to me after I delivered and I was on the bed in the hallway waiting to be put in a room.  I can remember this to this day.  He said, “Put it back, I wanted a boy”.  I kid you not.

This is my daughter's wedding picture.  She was a beautiful, gorgeous Bride.  She now has a family of her own and she has graced me with two grandsons.  She has aspired to great heights in her carerr and I am so proud of her for all that she has accomlished.  She knew she wanted to be here and live this lifetime and she had goals and achieved them.  This is a story of how Soul Contacts work out.

One Very Happy Family
From left to right: Teigen, Missy, Rourke and Nate McCallum

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