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Friday, June 7, 2013

Your Adult Child Is Living With You Again--How To Get Them Back On Their Own

Raising Your Child To Become A Responsible Adult

Life is tough these days so they say. It was tougher back in the late 1800's - early 1900's. It will always be tough to live financially, especially if you do not teach your children very early on how to manage money and other things they will need when they become adults.
When you bring a child into the world from the very first moment you are preparing them to be a responsible adult. There are certain important life skills parents should be teaching children as they grow into maturity. No matter how much you think your child is too young to learn these things the more they will turn out to be lazy irresponsible come home to mommy and daddy adults.

Early Age Teaching

There are things that parents are responsible to teach their child at the moment of birth. Babies are not dumb or stupid. They already know how to get attention and to get their way---if the parent's choose to let them.
The parent is in charge. You are the adult teach your child the rules of life. What do you want to teach them versus what they want you to learn are 2 different things. When they start to walk is when you teach them control and what is right from what is wrong. You need to be teaching them consequences and you need to follow through on them. Just don't punish them once, but many times until they understand that they are not the ones in charge. A good show to watch and learn is Supernanny. Go ahead and click on the words because it will take you to the Official Site. She has a grasp on how to train your children and for them to know manners and how to treat others in the process.


Everyone needs these skills. If you teach them things such as these you will be better off for it. These children are going to grow up and become adults. It’s is what kind of adults are the parent's teaching them to be. If you constantly do for them they will never learn to do for themselves. This will bring them running home at the first sign that they cannot do the job. If you do for them when they come back, it is YOUR fault they are like this. They will never learn to be adults and will constantly rely on others to do for them. That will get them into lots of trouble. This is so sad to see adults still being children and the parent's not taking responsibility for how their children turn out once they leave the home the first time.
It is in the home where a child learns life skills and it is the parent's responsibility to teach them those skills. I am talking about doing laundry and washing dishes, cleaning their room, organizational skills, cooking and such. Get them to help you with those chores. They are able to do these things from the age of 4.

Financial Planning

This can be done as early as 7. We did it with our own children and that is one of the reasons they have not come back home to rely on Mommy and Daddy to take care of them.

Here is what we did:
At age 8 and 6 we gave them Monopoly money and we set up a game. It was a game to them but in reality it was to teach them money handling skills they would need when they become adults. These skills are so important for them to learn at an early age.

We gave them a salary and what they needed to pay each month. They had everything just like you would in real life (except for the play money). We were the Bank. They would take those play money and pay their bills at the bank. They had a family and bills to pay with that. We would throw in an unexpected event such as car break down, unexpected hospital stay or losing a job or something like that. They had to figure out how they were going to pay for it and how things were going to work out. We didn't tell them how to work it out but let them do it for themselves. We did this for a year and it worked out really well.

Both my daughters have had some minor money problems but neither came home to live with us. They both are very good with their finances and they both know how to plan for things that are unexpected. They are both very responsible adults.

This also goes in line with financial planning for their college tuition and a great article to read is:  Why I Didn't Pay For Our Children's College 

Words and Actions

Teach them that their words will be taken seriously. Teach them that when they tell you something they must stick to their word.  For instance...when my daughter was merely 17 she made a pact with me about when she thought would be the right time to come in at night. I allowed her to set her rules. She set them for a certain time. I think it was 11:00 on weekends and 10 on School nights. Not positive on this because she is now 30 something with her own toddlers running around now.  At any rate she agreed and told me and gave me her word that she would be home at the time *she* agreed on. She did not stick to that word. A few times I would see her in her boyfriend’s car drive up into the parking lot and her sit there with him for 1/2 hour. I was still up watching TV not spying on her. I let this go for a couple of times. The next time I went out to the car and knocked on the window and told her that she needed to be IN the HOUSE at the time she agreed on. I was told that I was overbearing and controlling and manipulative and the meanest mom in the world. I wasn't doing it for me you see. I was doing it for her to learn that her words are important and that others will depend on those words and her actions based on her words. It is a hard lesson to teach and it does seem radical for my approach, but if I didn't do this she would never have learned that words and character are built on those words and that is what employers look for and many others too. A person is only as good as their word.


Setting boundaries is so difficult but with the right training from childhood they can and do learn these things and apply them to their lives efficiently. Remember you are training your children to live responsible lives. A great site with step by step teaching skills is on LIVESTRONG

Teach Them NOW

Now that they are home in your house doing nothing and contributing to the problem instead of the solution, YOU need to teach them everything that you didn't when they were growing up. It's called Tough Love, but for the sanities in the house it HAS to be done. Give them chores to do, such as cleaning or laundry and cooking. Teach them about their finances. Teach them how to do a budget and checkbook accounting. Teach them to take care of themselves...their bodies and cleaning up after themselves. Help them find jobs or education. Do not take them there! You can provide information but they must do it themselves. Set YOUR boundaries and STICK to them. They are NOT a Child anymore, they are Adults. Treat them the way that you want to be treated. Respect is earned by both sides of the equation.

Another writer’s perspective:  I Blame The Parents

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